Do I Matter?
You didn’t need to learn to be strong to withstand sexual abuse from the age of 6.
You should never have had to learn what autonomy meant from the age of 6 years old.
To learn never to rely on your parents for love, care, nurturing and unconditional positive regard.
You didn’t need to learn to hold back your emotions as the beatings continued until you stopped crying.
You should never have had to learn to be grateful for a meal, when you’d had your meals taken away for putting too much conditioner in your hair.
You should never have had to learn not to cry out for help when you wake up in the middle of the night constantly vomiting and then having to sleep in it, only to get in trouble for making a mess.
Because what you learned, repeatedly overtime was that you simply didn’t matter.
No. You really don’t matter.
What was done to you, didn’t matter.
What was taken from you, didn’t matter
What was withheld from you, didn’t matter.
Because YOU didn’t matter.
The ONLY subtle, consistent, ongoing messages I got that PERHAPS, just maybe I did matter to someone, was from my teachers.
Did I believe it? No way.
Did my heart jump when I got a sense that a teacher cared? You betcha!
Did those messages trickled through the years keep a spark of hope alive somewhere within me, that maybe I did matter and that maybe I could believe that someday enough to try and find out? ABSOLUTELY
Educators may dismiss the small seemingly insignificant moments that pass by in an instant, but to a child devoid of love, nurturing, and care, we hold onto those moments.
Done repeatedly over time, those teeny moments become the one thing, the one chance, the spark of hope that may just ignite a belief within us, that yes, I may actually matter to someone.
And if I can matter to someone, I may therefore MATTER enough to belong here.
#chasingnormal #trauma #childhoodtrauma #teachersmatter #maslowbeforebloom #traumainformedmatters
Follow me at https://www.facebook.com/beckthompsonchasingnormal
on Linked in https://www.linkedin.com/in/beckthompson/